Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Gays: and Why the desrve rights.

So I have not posted in awhile because I have been quite busy with college. However I have decided to put a post up about something important. I will also be putting my satire spurs up for this post and I am going to try my hardest to put a honest post....can't promise a little satire wont slip in though.

Homosexuals. As many of you know the gay community in this country would like equal rights. However by many this considered a dangerous thing. I would like to call Bullshit. Bullshit because I would like someone to inform me how it is dangerous. Gay love does not create Weapons of mass destruction that target Washington D.C. It also does not effect you inside your home.

Jesus....I do understand that by some peoples beliefs Jesus and God dislike homosexuality. I pose a question. Does God say stop homosexuality? Did Jesus preach to disenfranchise homosexuals? No. At most it can be INTERPRETTAED that it is a sin. However something being a Sin does not naturally make it a threat to society or mean you should try to stop it. I do not believe the bible says ..”Make sure gay people don't have rights or can be together.” People sin all the time we have our own sins. You don't see people rallying in great stupid numbers to close casinos because gambling is a sin. I guarantee at least ever person who reads this has disrespected their mother or father in some way. Be it lying to them(another common sin) or telling them to fuck off. Now society on a whole is against murder....Well no shit murder is really really really bad. People living their lives with who they want is not even remotely on the same level as murder. For some reason though the teabaggers and other radical Christians (please note I said radical) seem to treat it as the end of fucking society as we know it. People sin...if you homosexuals want to “sin”(which I do not believe it is a sin)

GOD WILL JUDGE NOT YOU. He will also forgive....at least I am pretty sure that is what the bible says. However who know maybe it does say that we should treat a group of people like shit and ruin their lives because its the right thing to do....

Your religion is your religion that's fine. Christianity though is not the state religion of this country thus, it should have no say in what the government decides. IF the state wants to marry homosexuals THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. Christianity despite what you think should not have the power to control this country. This country was not founded on Christianity it was founded on religious freedom. That means any religion. You are going against the fabric of this country if you say people can't get married because of Christian belief. Christian belief does not dictate a country with no state religion and separation of church and state.....wait let me correct myself it shouldn't....but it is.

Finally. You can't tell me you feel good about all the poor kids who have been committing suicide recently. They feel oppressed. This country is killing people. You are killing people. You are killing kids with this oppression. If treat homosexuals unfairly, abuse them, bully, them, make them feel unwanted....I want you to look yourself in the mirror and say “I wouldn't care if one killed themselves because of how I treat them”....

If you are gay, Please read this and know it will be better. Hopefully in our time this will become a non issue and you will be allowed all the rights that you as an american deserves.  Give um hell and keep fighting for your rights. 

Have a happy fucking Halloween!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Cats Vs. Babies: the epic battle of being a good citizen

Why having a Cat is more beneficial to society then a child.

Many people at a certain age decide to have children. I myself may decide to have children someday as well( Lets hope not those poor fuckers would end up twisted). However for now I am the proud owner of a cat. And it is a FACT that being a cat owner is more beneficial to society then being a parent. You might ask, “WHAT ABOUT DOGS! CATS SUCK!”. To this I say, sure dog counts too, however I am just going to focus on cats.( If you have to copy and paste this shit into word and replace every time I say cat with dog do so.) I myself am fond of lists so here is one.



  1. Healthcare. The United States is separated about the health care issue. With an ever increasing population, (which I will bring up more in depth later) emergency rooms are becoming more and more full. People have to struggle to get health care. Children need healthcare. More children in the world means more packed hospitals and more fuel to not have universal healthcare in the United States. If you have a cat all you have to do is take it to the vet. Have you ever seen the vet packed? NO! People have kids instead of cats. Also if you really need to you can by cat insurance for your adorable little fur ball.


  2. Education. You don't need to fucking put a cat through school. Cats do not take up an ever dwindling class room space. Cats do not get an improper education and become tea baggers. Cats do not drop out of high school and fail you at life. (Like I am sorry to say, some of your future kids may do!)


  3. Fox News!Cats cannot become s a raging blonde dip-shit pundit who some how leads a mass of tea-bagging dill-holes into ruining this country. If you breed you may create more like this. Despite you might fear that cats are taking over the world. Which by the way they aren't because they are FUCKING CATS! ( and I am only referring to the stupid assholes on the conservative side. Not the reasonable conservatives who do in-fact exist.)


  4. Disney. Cats do not like Justin Beiber, the Jonas Brothers, Hanna Mother Fucking Montana, or the fucking Disney channel. Children do like these things. These things make our country look like a cultural piss pot, instead of the melting pot of culture that it should be.


  5. Racism. Cats will not grow up to be racist fuck faces (unless you count dogs). Children might grow up and burn a pile of the Koran.


  6. Water. Cats need to be bathed once a month(unless you like your cat maybe more). Children must be cleaned daily. Children use toilets that use water. Cats use a box with litter in it(and if you aren't stupid its very easy to clean those with little water). In short cats don't waste water.


  7. Economics. Cats are cheap. Kids are not.


  8. Stupidity. I am not saying you the reader are stupid(though you might be) Stupid parents often breed stupid children. If you see a friend who may create bad offspring, encourage them to buy a cat instead.


  9. Ugliness. Most babies are ugly bitches. Cats are adorable fluff balls. Ask yourself do you like looking at ugly kids? No. No one likes looking at ugly people. People do like looking at cute fuzzy fucking kitties though.


  10. OVER POPU-FUCKING-LATION. The big one of this list. OUR WORLD IS GETTING OVER POPULATED. Sure there are lots of mother fucking cats. But you can chop their balls off. I wanna see you try to stop a human from reproducing. I also don't see Americans passing any laws to limit children, like some other country with population problems may have done. Also cats are little, Kids grow up to be big whiny space taking bitches with lots of needs.
Also if your cat is a fuck face, you can get in a new one in like 10 years when the asshole dies. Kids....well unless you are a sick motherfucker you probably are stuck with them.


If you want to adopt a kid cool. You are doing the world a service.

Zatch reminding you to help control the human population, don't forget to mentally spay and neuter yourself.


Shit  I suggest you might want! And if you liked this post please share it with friends.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Feminist or Feminazi?

If you like this one please stumble it, share it, tweet it whatever your poison may be. Thanks! And yes i did indeed make this. I did not find it on-line.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Effecitive ways accept other religions

 I'd like to discuss a few steps to being a good American and Christian that is accepting of other religions

1. Figure out the religion that is trying to be more prosperous in your country and burn their holy text. This is in no way prejudice and just a family friendly community activity. Just like in the old day a family would go watch a lynching or burn important books like Huck Finn together.

2. DO NOT allow religions that have buildings such as mosques, etc. into your community.  This will help any religions that may have tensions with the United States realize they are warm and accepted in the land of liberty. This also encourages the freedom of religion discussed in the constitution.

3. Demonize other religions as much as possible. This is a tactic for being religion friendly that we have used many times before often used in war to bring down tensions with enemies. If you point out all the awful things about someones life choices and say that their religion is bent on killing Christians, it will bring out the best in them and make them like you better.

4. WWJD. What would jesus do? its simple. Would Jesus burn the Quran? Would Jesus say awful things about other humans based on religion?

Just a few simple steps and questions to think about.

Have Fun!
Don't forget to be really racist, it couldn't hurt you after my steps above!


3ft x 5ft Nylon American Flag12 WWJD Bracelets

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Materialism and why its awesome!

Do you love stuff? Do you wish you had more stuff? Do you want lots of stuff even if you don't need it?  If you answered yes to any of these you could be a Materialist too!!!!!

Now you might ask, “Zach isn't having an excess of stuff bad? Shouldn't I be a minimalist, like so many people are talking about these days?”. My answer....NO! Having stuff is great. It makes us happy. I'd like to discuss, some ways you can be a better Materialist.




  1. Buy shit! Even if you don't need something, but you really want it. Assuming you'll have money for food and rent. BUY IT! This will make you instantly happy.



  2. The more expensive the better. Ever had something really expensive like a ps3 and none of your friends had it? You feel like a fucking bad ass.



  3. Laugh at people without shit. This may sound mean but laughing at other peoples poorness makes you happier about all the shit you have.



  4. Buy the most expensive car possible. This one is pretty obvious. Chicks want to have sex with guys who have nice cars. So why not collect chicks too?



  5. Get a credit card. Now this one requires you already make a lot of money because you have to pay the credit off. (I suggest pimping out the chicks you got with your car if you are low on money. Or sell drugs) If you can pay the credit off you can buy stuff when you don't have money. Just spent all your money on a 47” TV?. You just have to have the surround sound to go with it? Use the credit card.

Why you should be a Materialist instead of a minimalist. One reason. IT STIMULATES THE ECONMY IF YOU BUY SHIT ALL THE TIME. Our capitalist society is built upon the citizens putting money into it. If you are buying shit you want all the time you are helping the economy and being a better 'Merican.

Another good reason is minimalists are preachy dill holes. You don't want to be a preachy dill hole do you?

Ever seen that movie about the guy who had nothing and worked his way up the ladder to having nothing but feeling good about it? NO, because being poor sucks. Those people in third world countries minimalists like to go see, yeah I bet you they hate it. Its not a good life. It sucks. So why would you want to suck like them?

This idea that poverty is somehow noble is farcical.” Zeb Larson. This quote really sells it for me. You aren't noble if you don't have stuff. You are noble if you fucking die saving a kid from drowning in the ocean. You are noble if you kill a man with your bare hands who is hunting a polar bear(endangered by the way). You are noble if you make all the money in the world then buy a giant lab and make a better fuel then oil. Not having shit doesn't make you noble. It makes you lame.

I'll bring us home with one more quote from Old Man Zeb.

Materialism has been the impetus behind the development of technology. Without it, we would still be hunter-gatherers. And I can conclusively prove that that lifestyle is much worse.”

The quest for stuff. I have it. You have it. The founding fucking fathers had it. And if you don't agree with the founding fathers...well then you are not a real 'MERICAN. 

Here is some sweet stuff to buy.  Steven Colbert gets it.   That 47" tv you really want. and a Fucking ps3.

 
I Am America (And So Can You!)LG 47LH85 47-Inch 1080p 120Hz Wireless HDMI LCD HDTV, BlackPlayStation 3 120 GB

Friday, September 3, 2010

Casual = You must suck at life...

and when I say life I mean video games. Which I would like to point out...is not that important.

I would deem myself a gamer. I play lots, more then I should and at times my grades suffer. Am I a hard core gamer. I would say no. I say no because hardcore gamers are DOUCHE BAGS, who have a lack of respect for others and believe many of their views are superior to others and treat people like shit when they disagree.

I am not a fan of the hardcore/casual gamer separation that has grown in the video game world.  It mostly  has negative connotations that perpetuate Internet bully-ism. I have played a wide array of games from FPS games, MMOS, RTS, and battle arena games like Dota, Lol, and HoN. All of these games that allow Internet play suffer from a severe case of this HARDCORE attitude.

What makes a hardcore player?

Their Opinion (that being hardcore gamers)
-One who devotes "proper" time to a game, or guild
-One how takes the game "seriously"
-One who does not "suck" at the game.

My Opinion
-One who does not devote enough time to other aspects of their life. (personal hygiene, work, family, moving out of their mothers basement.)
-One who is way to fucking into the game and treats other with disrespect.
-One who is okay at a game but anytime someone who is worse comes along bullies them and treats the noobie like shit for sucking.

I believe this is a more accurate example of  a hardcore gamer.

Now for the dislike of the term casual gamer.  This used to simply be the title of a person who only played games like Mario Party, bejeweled,  and to a point single player games. The Wii in many peoples eyes is a casual gamer system. However i would argue if you play your Wii for 4-12 hours a day, you are a hardcore Wii player.  It is also used in MMOs, or Internet games for who only is able to play occasionally and does not devote several hours a day to the game.  As time goes on though this term has started to take on worse connotations.  In  a lot of gamers eyes a casual gamer is now a person who sucks.  Blizzard the bastards they are have recently perpetuated this term in Starcraft 2.  Their is no longer easy mode. Casual has replaced the term easy. Implying if you have little time for a game you must suck. It is possible though to play a game casually and be good.

There is also an issue with hardcore games versus not hardcore games. What many believe makes up a hardcore game these days is one with gritty realistic graphics, an adult atmosphere, and a competitive scene, meaning the game must usually have a multi player function. I have a few questions for this. Where do single player games fit in? What happened to the good old days when games like Mario and Sonic were the shit? Why can a game with cartooney graphics, and a more light hearted nature have a strong competitive scene and not be hardcore? Is this simply because the game is light hearted and fun?

Speaking of the word fun. AREN'T VIDEO GAMES SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING FUN. I'm sick of the video games I play feeling like they have to be a fucking job.  Why did i quit World of Warcraft? IT FELT LIKE A FUCKING JOB. Why not play play less then Zach? If i play less and don't make it feel like a job I will never get to finish the fucking content and storyline. THE WHOLE FUCKING REASON I PLAY THE GAME. I play the game to have fun and if it is the type of game that involves a storyline enjoy the goddamn storyline. I want my games fun. Sometimes I want my games competitive.  However I do not want to lose fun at the cost of a competitive scene.


Want some recommendations of  games that are fun, and competitive. Team Fortress 2 (slightly cartooney graphics, but still competitive and super fun), despite what HoN players might tell you League of Legends is another good example of a game with a competitive scene(100 dollar grand prize right now for season 1), and this game has incredibly cartooney graphics. Plus league of legends is FREE, but don't let that scare you away. Riot is a great small company that understands how a free game should work.

I also suggest any other game you find fun, Starcraft 2, Steam games, Call of Duty all fun games. Just don't let your attitude get in the way of yours and other peoples fun.

 Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty          Team Fortress 2        League of Legends